From Ate Ping
I have been quiet, wallowing in my own heartache, as if I am alone. I know the rest of us who love you, who are left behind, all feel the same bereft, the same ugly loneliness, the same wounding sadness inside us. This emotion transcends what most of us call pain.
I have not yet even recovered from the demise of Papang, I was just working my way on achieving our individual dreams nourished by the love and encouragement of what we have all gone through. And just as you were about to achieve your own dreams, as a soothing balm to the same heartache we felt on that Sunday morning of 13 September 1992, here you are again, taken. Away from my sight, away from my touch, even away from my sense of hearing.
Papang always said before, Mac-Mac will be the luckiest among all of you, because he will live life to the full, he will be loved by all of you, you will be able to give him what he will need. He will be spoiled. You are everything of that but you were never spoiled. We have loved you, but you have worked hard on your own to prove to us and to others that you are not just the youngest, but that you will be the brightest among us, the one who would be able to achieve all our dreams together. And you did. You almost did.
Today, we attended your graduation, then we went to the house of the Morales. Shirley showed us your designs. She showed us your talent. The talent that I knew existed but have not seen so much of before because I was far. And I saw them today. My heart felt like it was ripped open and stabbed repeatedly, hurting me. I would never see how much of an artist was there inside you. You would have been an architect with a diploma by now. But you have proven to be more than that even before you even had the chance to get a photoshoot for your graduation. I know, we all think, how much more could you have done, if only.
We saw the grotto of the Virgin Mary, I stood back as I saw them- Mamang, Ate, Jic, Jun, standing there in front of it, probably uttering silent prayers for you, or probably same like me, holding back the tears welling up in our eyes.
I weep for that time when I wanted to call you and I couldnt because I was busy, I cry for that time when I call you and every time you say you are busy. I have told you I love you often everytime I call. Yet, not often enough. Maybe now you know how much I love you.
You have lived life to the full, in every day that you have lived. You have cried, and laughed and have achieved what most people would have achieved when they are in their 50s. You are blessed. You are loved.
We remain here. And like most nights since I got here, like most silent moments since I heard that tragic phone call from home at 4 o'clock in the morning, thirteen days ago, I remain here, weeping for what might have been.
In time, maybe our hearts will heal.
We love you so much Mac. Please tell Papang we love him so much too.
I have not yet even recovered from the demise of Papang, I was just working my way on achieving our individual dreams nourished by the love and encouragement of what we have all gone through. And just as you were about to achieve your own dreams, as a soothing balm to the same heartache we felt on that Sunday morning of 13 September 1992, here you are again, taken. Away from my sight, away from my touch, even away from my sense of hearing.
Papang always said before, Mac-Mac will be the luckiest among all of you, because he will live life to the full, he will be loved by all of you, you will be able to give him what he will need. He will be spoiled. You are everything of that but you were never spoiled. We have loved you, but you have worked hard on your own to prove to us and to others that you are not just the youngest, but that you will be the brightest among us, the one who would be able to achieve all our dreams together. And you did. You almost did.
Today, we attended your graduation, then we went to the house of the Morales. Shirley showed us your designs. She showed us your talent. The talent that I knew existed but have not seen so much of before because I was far. And I saw them today. My heart felt like it was ripped open and stabbed repeatedly, hurting me. I would never see how much of an artist was there inside you. You would have been an architect with a diploma by now. But you have proven to be more than that even before you even had the chance to get a photoshoot for your graduation. I know, we all think, how much more could you have done, if only.
We saw the grotto of the Virgin Mary, I stood back as I saw them- Mamang, Ate, Jic, Jun, standing there in front of it, probably uttering silent prayers for you, or probably same like me, holding back the tears welling up in our eyes.
I weep for that time when I wanted to call you and I couldnt because I was busy, I cry for that time when I call you and every time you say you are busy. I have told you I love you often everytime I call. Yet, not often enough. Maybe now you know how much I love you.
You have lived life to the full, in every day that you have lived. You have cried, and laughed and have achieved what most people would have achieved when they are in their 50s. You are blessed. You are loved.
We remain here. And like most nights since I got here, like most silent moments since I heard that tragic phone call from home at 4 o'clock in the morning, thirteen days ago, I remain here, weeping for what might have been.
In time, maybe our hearts will heal.
We love you so much Mac. Please tell Papang we love him so much too.
posted by alfieping at 8:41 AM
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